It’s a set of habits that grows or stems from the early learning in life.
To make it easier to understand allow me to give you an example:
During early childhood learning, most parent’s would ought to say ‘You cannot do that’, ‘You cannot do this’ to their children, and if their children happen to do things that were said ‘cannot do’, the parent will scold at them and yell at them.
Well, it’s not a best way in nurturing positive habits to the children, in fact, if it is repeatedly done by the parent, their child could lose their self-confidence and making them ‘introvert’. For example,a 6 year old child wanted to cook their own meal, then the mother say ‘No, you cannot do that’. Instead Say something like this ‘wait until you are little bit taller only then you can cook’
Now, let’s look from the working environment point of view. Imagine if you have a boss and this boss seems to be having problem in appreciating others people works and ideas. A boss is conducting a meeting, and during the meeting she asks for opinions. The staff gave some ideas, but the idea was then condemned by the boss making the staff feel down and demoralize.
The same thing happen after one meeting and another, and the staff become passive because in their mind it says that ‘No need to give idea..all will go to trash anyway’ (This is a self-defeating habits statement). The worst part in Self-Defeating habit is that it is easily put on ‘automatic’ mode, causing it to self-react.
Well from my readings and studies, there are a few tips in changing these self-defeating habits:
No #1 Know Yourself
Know yourself and get familiarize with what are your ‘self-defeating habits’ like what are the things that prevent you from doing things that you actually can do (all the halal and permit able things of course)
No #2. Be Mindful
Always be aware on your behavior – the thoughts, the feelings, and the action. And certainly it must be from your neutral witness awareness.
No #3. Remember the Alternative
The route to KL are many, choose the one that suits your condition the best. Same goes to the office and working situation, there are many ways to complete the task. If plan A does not work, then execute the plan B. You have many more alphabets line up for you just to be name as your plan.
No #4. Choose Something Better
If something that you say or do can do you no good then choose for something better. If you choose by being uncooperative during your meeting with your boss would reflect that you’re untalented person, so choose to speak up during meeting, because you never know when your boss will ever appreciate your idea, maybe now or later.
No #5. Be Confident and Have Faith
Always be confident with yourself and have faith in what you do. If you are confident and putting your faith to work, the ‘cannot do’ that lies within your head will slowly fades away.
Remember, don’t let the self-defeating habits having control of you. It will sabotage you habits and sooner or later it’ll sabotage your dream.
